In October 2010, I discovered I was pregnant. The pregnancy was unplanned and I was scared. M was only 22 months old. I didn’t have faith in myself that I could raise 2 children on financial assistance. I wanted better for them and I knew that if I made the difficult decision to put the baby up for adoption, then both my kids would have a shot at the life I wanted for them. I would be able to go back to school and provide M the kind of life we’re dreaming of, and the baby would be adopted into a family who already had that life.
1 year ago July that decision was made final when I birthed a beautiful baby boy. I announced to the adoptive couple that they were now a family and asked if they would like to meet their son. 1 year ago July, tears were shed and the delivery room was filled with overwhelming emotions. 1 year ago July, I helped a family feel complete at last.
I never held the baby boy. I don’t really remember getting a good look at him. My Mom, Aunt, and his family were passing him around the room like a hot potatoe and I sat in my bed and just watched. I was happy. Happy to see the happiness radiating from a family who’d just had their dreams come true. I felt good about my decision. I knew then, it was the right choice.
Today, for the first time in a year, I visited the family and got the chance to meet my second born son.
Stepping out of the truck, I had to take a deep breath. I hadn’t been to the couples house since November 2010 and that seemed so long ago. I could see L’s little feet in the window as his Dad held him. My heart felt heavy and I worried I was going to start crying uncontrollably. I fought back the tears and made my way to the door. The first to greet me was P. She said hello and wrapped her arms around me and asked how I was doing. I told her I was doing good. We chatted about the goings on in the park nearby for a little before heading inside where S and little L were waiting. We said hello and I was then introduced to L. S asked if I would like to hold him, the thought brought tears to my eyes and I said no. We made our way through the house to the livingroom and all sat down.
L is doing so much now. He’s walking, and playing. He is absolutely adorable. He was very curious about me, he watched me a lot, stared even. His eyes are a beautiful hazel and his hair is dark. He even has little dark fuzzies that go down his back! P pointed out that we have the same feet. I looked to see his little toes all curled up just like I keep mine. We chatted about the similarities in how I look and how he looks. It was decided he has my eyes in the shape and colour since his birth Fathers aren’t nearly as dark and you can see a dark ring that lines his eyes like mine.
S asked us all if we’d like something to drink, I passed since I’d had a large cup of tea before leaving this morning. He brought out snacks and L dug right in, stuffing his little mouth full of ladyfingers and watching me. Maybe he recognised my voice but was unsure why? Maybe he recognised my scent? Or maybe he was just curious about the person he’d never really met before. When he’d finished his ladyfingers, he turned and faced me. He picked up a little crumb on the table and walked over and gave it to me. His little hand touched mine. He was so soft. That was the first time we’d ever touched. We passed the crumb back and forth for a few minutes before he took it, said a mumbled “thank you” and ate it.
I can’t believe how big he is. So much time has passed. He’s almost 1 year old. Sometimes I wonder if I could have done it, but seeing him today… Seeing just how well he fits in with this beautiful family… I know I made the right choice in choosing adoption.
I hope my story will bring inspiration to other young Moms who are scared and faced with a choice. If I could do it all over again, I would still choose adoption in a heartbeat. I am even more sure my choice was the right one today, then I’ve ever been.